Moving Forward
Without a doubt one of the most difficult days of my life today with my father. We drove to Independence and had a long chat about the events of last month.
I explained the depth of the pain I have been suffering over the event. He claimed that he had no idea that it would impact anyone like it has. He said that he didn't understand why anyone felt that becoming married "changed anything". That he and his wife wanted things to remain the same. I told him that was being pretty naive. That he was still a role model to not only his own children, but especially to his grandchildren, who it seems are all struggling with his motives to remarry.
It was emotional on both sides. He asked for help in getting her to be a part of the family. I didn't quite know how to respond. I stated that we can move forward. That the "hit" that I took will take some time for me to recover.
A long long long discussion about the ability to come home. He sees no change necessary. He can't believe anyone would hesitate to do anything differently than what was being done before March 22. I simply explained that her place in the family became greatly elevated and that with such elevation goes incredible responsibility. Responsibility that I am not certain she understands in the slightest. He repeatedly stated that she was meek and very withdrawn. That she doesn't know how and it will be up to us to help him teach her. :-(
It was difficult.... but I can not step away from him now. I don't know for certain if he "understands" the magnitude of the life decision he has made. I explained that there are three events in a human's life that are the most significant.... Birth, Marriage, and Death..... I explained that he had participated one of the big three without giving it the depth of thought in regard to the effects. I simply believe that he saw it as a way to please her and that it would genuinely be accepted by all without any reservation. Bottom line.. he is the elder.... he has responsibility to realize that his actions impact the everyone involved. We don't have to agree, but he had the responsibility to consider impact and be the leader of the family which his age and experience and position as father/grandfather gives him.
It was so so odd explaining respect and responsibility to him, when he was the one who taught it to me.
I explained in detail how it would take time for me to move forward, but I am very much in favor of moving forward..... no matter how painful it will become.
peace.
I explained the depth of the pain I have been suffering over the event. He claimed that he had no idea that it would impact anyone like it has. He said that he didn't understand why anyone felt that becoming married "changed anything". That he and his wife wanted things to remain the same. I told him that was being pretty naive. That he was still a role model to not only his own children, but especially to his grandchildren, who it seems are all struggling with his motives to remarry.
It was emotional on both sides. He asked for help in getting her to be a part of the family. I didn't quite know how to respond. I stated that we can move forward. That the "hit" that I took will take some time for me to recover.
A long long long discussion about the ability to come home. He sees no change necessary. He can't believe anyone would hesitate to do anything differently than what was being done before March 22. I simply explained that her place in the family became greatly elevated and that with such elevation goes incredible responsibility. Responsibility that I am not certain she understands in the slightest. He repeatedly stated that she was meek and very withdrawn. That she doesn't know how and it will be up to us to help him teach her. :-(
It was difficult.... but I can not step away from him now. I don't know for certain if he "understands" the magnitude of the life decision he has made. I explained that there are three events in a human's life that are the most significant.... Birth, Marriage, and Death..... I explained that he had participated one of the big three without giving it the depth of thought in regard to the effects. I simply believe that he saw it as a way to please her and that it would genuinely be accepted by all without any reservation. Bottom line.. he is the elder.... he has responsibility to realize that his actions impact the everyone involved. We don't have to agree, but he had the responsibility to consider impact and be the leader of the family which his age and experience and position as father/grandfather gives him.
It was so so odd explaining respect and responsibility to him, when he was the one who taught it to me.
I explained in detail how it would take time for me to move forward, but I am very much in favor of moving forward..... no matter how painful it will become.
peace.
posted by cpc at 10:39 PM
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