Revelations

I am not quite sure how to begin this entry. I suppose that I am still vacillating between agony and ecstasy. It was a very nerve racking night. I believe sincerely that I have some major issues with my own outlook. I suppose I have had major issues for some time. All a person would have to do is look back through the two years of this blog to see that I am down and depressed at least 90% of the time. I dwell on the things that will go wrong. I think constantly about the negative side of all things. I am always trying to find the surest angle with days of agonizing behind it.

I think without a doubt the most devastating thing is that #2 says that I have put so much pressure on #1 that I have created someone who is afraid of any error at any time. So terrified of me that he can not function in the world of people. That revelation came last night and I have to tell you it was serious damage.

Seems like I am just rambling. But I am not good today. It could be that I am second guessing my decision on the fork in the road. It is just such a radical leap. I am fairly sure that it is just how it is. I need to back away and let things fall as they will.

Perhaps Bob Dylan is right on the money. "Better start swimmin or you'll sink like a stone". Sound advice because the times they are a changin.

Peace.