Frustrations.....

It is ultra unusual that I would be stopping in while at work. I simply feel that I need to put the fury I feel inside down in black and white.

This morning.... every time I see a particular colleague it is an attack that I perceive or some reason why he can't comply with expectation. I simply want to walk away from him after saying, "be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions". But instead I push it all inside and physically grieve over how I can accommodate him. Push Push Push..... In so many ways it reminds me of my relationship with my college room mate.

I find it interesting that the push push push the sturm and drang does not seem to exist in my relationship with females. Why? Is it because when I was young... most of the people I played with were females? I don't know.... I just know that I am enraged about my inability to resolve the push push push game.

I am also struggling mightily with being over extended. I do a zillion things "ok", but rarely if ever will I produce something of excellence or a master piece. I long to have a master piece.

Is it time to reassess? Time to go? unknown..... but I know that for the most part, I lack the courage to take a serious look and the never ending concept of "change".

I am frustrated.... and the hurricane is beginning to gain strength again. How will I handle it?