Balance



Sunday morning..... I am now in the fourth day of going solo. 

It has been a little bit of a balancing act between what should be done and what I want to be done.  I have picked away at little things on each of the four days.  Some progress.... but no where near the accomplishments I would have like to have made.  But I am most proud of the replacement upstairs.... very proud that I took that step.

I sometimes believe that I am becoming more and more attention deficit.  For instance..... just after the paragraph above was completed, I took my bowl and spoon to the sink to be rinsed, the cereal back to the top of the fridge and... put the milk away.  My intention was then to come back to the blog and work a little.  Instead.... when I opened the fridge.... I became involved in purging some of the things that have been residing in there for some time.   I made a trip to the compost.  I came back and put some new water in the fridge to chill.  Not that those things are contributing, it's I just would like to think I am a little more focused on what my intentions were prior to being distracted.

This morning, as well as the past couple of days, I have been contemplating going to a baseball game.  I went online and scrubbed stub hub for a ticket.  There are some in both Detroit and in Cleveland.  The cost of said tickets is pretty much irrelevant. I just don't have the will to go.  I think this lack of will can be directly tied to my need for balance.

On one side we have my father and his influence that nothing is needed beyond a roof over your head, a little food, and a little water and plenty of work to do.  ANY thing beyond that list is a want... and you can't have what you want, so you had best make the most of the things that you need......  

He believes that self-denial is the greatest trait a person can have.  I hear him in my head every time I look at something.  I really hear him when it comes time to consider going anywhere.  The idea of spending $100 at a baseball game is absurd to him.... so I suppose I let it get on top of my decision making process, and resist going. 

Now this self denial is prevalent in everything I do as influenced by my belief or perhaps question of "Do I really 'need' this?"  Usually I can convince myself that that answer is no.  The second question I usually slap on the decision making process is.... "Is this new "item or experience", better than what I currently have or have done?"..... Usually, I come to the conclusion that said item or experience is "not".  Or.....  I buy into the philosophy that I can "get by" with what I have. 

It is some of this "get by" mentality that has led to the travesty of the bathroom upstairs.  I always knew that we could "get by".   It is ok to "get by", but why not have a little pride and do better than "get by"?   Why not do something to be good and have a little pride?  I genuinely don't know...  

On the other side, is this idea of improving through experiencing.  Instead of saying no, this side of the balance is saying go go go... do do do.... buy buy buy.  I have not spent much of my existence on this side of the balance. In fact, as I am typing, I struggle to even examine this side, because I have so little experience just flying around doing what I want, whenever I want to do it.  I suppose it shows my lack of balance.

I think life is all about balance.  The Golden Mean.... Ying/Yang.... 

Too much of anything is bad.  Not enough is just as bad.   Finding the balance between the two has to be the secret.  This balance point I believe is discovered through experience.  

Thus the title of this post.  Balance.