A Busy Start

June is half gone tomorrow.  It has been a very very very busy first fourteen days.  I have completed 31 years of educating America.  I have now been married for 29 years.  I made an overnight trip to Cleveland.  I spent a night at Maumee Bay. I have cut the grass at my father's home three times.  I have purchased a new refrigerator for my sister who is now living in my father's home.   I have been busy.... very busy.

Now that the excuses are over.... I have not been a good blogger.  I have not kept a regular presence here, when I have more access than I have ever had in my life.  No excuses are acceptable.  None. 

Tomorrow is Father's Day 2014.   I am already struggling and it isn't even here yet.  Here is what it looked like a year ago..... Oh how I miss him....

Sometimes.... I get so angry and frustrated.....  mostly at me.. but sometimes at my father....and often with #1.....  and well.... with me....

My father because of his decisions regarding remarriage.... and his fierce pride.....

#1 because he has just distanced himself not only physically but... by total lack of communication emotionally and mentally he has isolated me .... It simply crushes me that he has distanced himself.

And me... because... well... I just continue to be weak in every way. 

Enough of me ....

I just know that I must not punish #2 because he is as solid as ever.... But I have to tell you.... tomorrow.... I will struggle to speak with #1...... I will struggle to be here period.... period....

I will be pleasant for #2.....

June.... the solstice isn't far off.... and.... neither are decisions about my extended future.