And Janus Reappears

January 1, 2019

The new year arrived with little fanfare.  I have spent a good amount of time contemplating this post today. Far more time spent than in past years on what thoughts would be appropriate to share on this holiday.   

For the first time that I can remember, I simply have not been into the entire holiday time. Not at all.   Not even for ten minutes.  I am not so certain as to why.  Perhaps it has all become too painful.  Perhaps I have just become too lazy to initiate new traditions.  Perhaps.... I am just a mess and lack the will to correct it.

None the less, it is time to wander back and take a glance forward.   First the review.

1. Recently, as in about two weeks ago, I became a high school basketball coach again.  I predict that it is a short commitment and that I will return to a world outside of the coaching fraternity.

Absolutely 100% true. 100%.  It was flattering to be pursued following the season, but....  my time has passed, and it is ok.

2. #1....  Will not return to Ohio in 2018, and I will not return to California in 2018.

Absolutely 100% true. 100%. Another perfect prediction. I pursued a neutral site with all expenses paid of his choosing.  After dancing around it for a couple months, he simply said.  No.   Crushing. Simply crushing.  On the other side of that prediction, I did not go to California in 2018 either.  More and more I feel like I will never return to California.  The window of hope is fading fast.

3. #2 ..... Will continue to improve his work situation and gather resources at a remarkable rate.

Absolutely 100% true. 100%.  Three for three... He only continues to gain credibility in his profession.  He made trips to Oklahoma, Texas, Georgia, Alabama, Iowa, and other locations in Ohio, Indiana, and Michigan. He really seems to enjoy what he does, and for all intents and purposes his employer seems to value him.  Perhaps I should amend that to #2 believes he is valued.  

4. Job.... With the exit from 701 Superior to make time and space for the reconstruction/renovations, I will hang in there and complete the 2018-19 school year.

Absolutely 100% true. 100%. Four for four.  Hanging in there is a very appropriate way to describe my situation.  My toes some days barely touch the ground.  Other days, I feel as if I am as strong as ever.  But I must admit that I lean more to the former than the latter. 

5. World..... There will be a major disruption / war that will directly involve the United States specifically taking place on U.S. soil in North America.

Absolutely 100% false. No major disruptions.  Well... no major disruptions in a military way.  There are plenty of examples of major economic disruptions, most notably the trade war going on with China.  In so many ways I see direction parallels to the 1920s.   I still suspect that should the current administration continue on its present course, a replay of the 1930s and 1940s is just around the corner. 

Not bad all in all, four out of five.  80%. Perhaps the predictions were a little too easy, or maybe I have lacked in courage in making some tough predictions.   None the less... let's wander into what 2019 may hold in store.....

1. Major medical catastrophe for me. 

I don't know specifically what it will be, but I suspect that it is closer than it has ever been.  It may be a fall, it may be a heart attack, it may be a stroke, but.... I suspect it is lurking near by. 

2. Relations with the Californians will be exactly the same.  

No marriage, no visiting, no nothing beyond a phone call and/or a text from time to time. Perhaps this is just how it is going to be.  Perhaps I just lack courage to make it anything more or less. If I had the ability to just one question about anything or anyone or anytime for the rest of my life, I would give anything to know what caused this, for I truly don't understand.

3. #2 will continue to improve and improve and improve. 

No reason to think otherwise.  In every life, obstacles come along. So far he has had very few of any size.  It is rather pessimistic to sit and contemplate what and when his will pop up, but so far he is sailing along nicely. I am incredibly proud of him and I have told him so and shown him so. Proud.

4. On the job front, I have come to the conclusion that it would be best for me to continue for at least one more year, and I will and it will be the end.  I will add that due to a physical issue, I will not be able to complete 2019-20 school year. 

Given prediction #1, this is an odd decision.  Here it the reasoning behind it. Economic uncertainty.  With my brother's continuing unemployment situation, with the cost of health care insurance, and with the un-achieved goal of having $100,000 cash saved in the clear, it only makes sense economically to give it one more year.  Personal uncertainty.  I do not see a bright, motivating, reasonable side to retirement. I do not see anything I want to do or be other than what I do right now. As to why this exists, I am unsure.  I do know that it is coming, I just would like to have some sort of an idea as to what I would find to be attractive.  My mindset is so poor as to motivation, that I once again feel as if I will simply fade away, even more so than I have.  

Only four predictions for this year.  Nothing else seems notable enough to prognosticate upon.  I will share that I have resolved to consume smaller and fewer portions of food.  It will be a challenge as dining is one my favorite things in life, but, it seems a wiser course of action.   I particularly like this one for a couple of reasons.  #1 It is flexible.  #2 Opportunity to demonstrate it occurs daily. #3 It may be the way to ward off prediction #1.

I would also really like to move forward on new windows and siding for the house. I know that it will interfere with the savings goal, but.... I want to have things in order so when the sale comes, those behind me will reap.

Smile.... it is the 40 year anniversary of graduating from high school, and entering Ohio University. 40. A trip to Athens will take place.  As to whether a visit to the class reunion takes place in Bryan, I would say highly unlikely.

In the meantime.... Let's visit on the Island and hope that the weather favors us. 

Peace.